An Attempt to Portray Reality

Posting After July 19, 2009

There is so much that I did between today and July 19, 2009. There is so much that happened within this time. There is so much to share. This post is an attempt to draw a sequence of events in chronological order.

1. August, 2009 - I delivered my Open Seminar in Kanpur. With this I completed one of the pre-requisites of PhD programme. Also this marked the beginning of the end of my (five years long) campus stay.

2. October 2009 - I appeared for my first ever Job Talk and PI in Ghaziabad. I was sure that they won't consider my candidature because of my Literature Background. Eventually I was selected. I was very happy but there was something which I felt was breaking inside me. I am yet to figure out what it was, but there was something. May be I was trying to play smart to have an early completion of my PhD or may be I wanted to run away from the circumstances that I had been through. Don't know the reason but I was happy for my selection.

3. December 2009 - Submission of my Thesis. A work that made me, my supervisor and my department proud.

4. January 2010 - Joined in Ghaziabad. I was questioning myself on everything. Why is this happening? Why am I doing this? Why, why why. . .

5. April 2010 - Defended my thesis. That is I appeared for my PhD Viva and cleared it with no hassell. The examiner praised me, my supervisor and our efforts on the project. I was happy for these achievements but still was I really happy or was I pretending?

6. From April 2010 to December 2011 - So many projects I was involved with at Ghaziabad. Received compliments from my peers and seniors. Went to Harvard University and IIM Ahmedabad. Very happy. Actually am I? Or am I looking for something more?

This blend of happiness and urge for more and above all to know the reason why am I doing this is a struggle in itself. But then I have read somewhere we can control what we are doing but we can not control our destiny. And yes I have strongly accepted that there is a reason and a mystery behind everything that happens. Do your work and enjoy what you didnot do, yet it happened.

Now, I am looking forward to 2012, what it unfolds for me and how it goes . . .