Finding the Original Self - Going Back in Time

Past few days have shown me the essence of life once again. I don't know why but everytime I decide to do something, there is something else which is ready to bug me at the same time. No matter how normal I appear to others, only I know volcanic eruptions are there inside me. I was just comparing myself of present times to image of a person, 10 years back. Those days, I feel, were the best part of my life because I decided to build a world of my own where I will be the ruler. But is this really happened? Yes to some extent. NO to a great extent because during the journey of these 10 years I came across many people in my life which added new dimensions to my thinking and perception regarding people in general. I am really grateful to them. What happened to me is that I became a person, I feel, with split personality. There is so much that I am hiding now but people feel that I am a happy go lucky person.

Living with such a dual personality, I have a guilt to confess. This guilt has prompted me to accept certain issues in public. These issues include:

• Reason behind my existence - what is that which is forcing me to continue with life. Is it love for my near and dear ones or is it just very difficult to end our lives at once?
• Continuing without soul - I have seen people forgetting incidents of their lives as if they never have occured. In my case, I have a plethora of events that gave me maturity well ahead of time and strangled the real me somewhere.
  
• Going back to my world again - My tenure with my world though made me a friend of myself - I cry for myself, I laugh for myself, I care for myself - and when I came in touch with the real world, I find it to be the same I had experienced earlier. Is it not justifiable that I should do in which I was / am the most happy.

I dont know how successful I will be in going back to my world again but thats the best way to live, I think. I know and care for those whom I give the utmost importance in my life. I live my life on my principles. I cry yet nobody knows, I laugh yet nobody is with me. But thats the way I am, the original me.